Fractal Friendships

Do you ever feel unexpectedly depleted or despondent after spending time with beloved friends and family? Do you sometimes feel your energy is spent maintaining the ideas and expectations of others, rather than supporting the natural form and flow of your own life energy? Could it be that it is now time to change the fundamental fabric of all of your relationships to have them align fully with your new truth?

We are never ending story generating organisms, forever intertwining each others inner and outer lives into a wondrous web of experiences, expectations, hopes, dreams, fears and more. We continuously trade these with each other as we move through the day, forming new sentences, chapters and books with our thoughts, feelings and emotions.

Sometimes it feels as it is we who are writing the script of our existences. Other times we can feel like malleable characters in the play itself. Generally, we dance between these two perceptional extremes; inviting and weaving our families, friends, colleagues and people we meet out onto the dance floor of our souls. All of this is happening through and within the dimension of our senses, and tends to be loaded with what we feel we want and need, in order for our lives to have meaning, joy and fulfilment.

However, the very nature of a story is linked and locked into linear time, and has the effect of taking us out of the present moment; pulling us (and those we share time and space with) inexorably into an assumption vortex that can take a lot of energy to generate, maintain and indeed recover from. For example, let us imagine that you have a friend, or friends that you have known and loved for many years. Together you have shared many wonderful moments, travels, events and conversations. Your lives and hearts are deeply interconnected, and there is a huge field of love and laughter that permeates your shared story. This can be a wonderful source of happiness, as memories fill and fuel the heart, bridging the past with the anticipation of times yet to come. That is beautiful – but, can present an impediment to authentic being and truthful exchange in the moment.

There is a potent pressure that the past and future memories exert on the consciousness of the now, and anything that is not repleted and independently sourced in the lives of you or your friends will be screaming for attention, healing and resolution through the matrix of identity that you all created over time. This is a trapdoor for the soul, and a fencing of freedom – and limits each persons ability to express the truth of their heart.

The result of this mostly unconscious collective contract is that one or more of the friend group will somehow need to provide or sustain the energy that is imagined to be needed by the others, and this effort can leave that person depleted. They leave the gathering or meeting with a sense of despondency, that can insidiously insert itself into the overall feeling of connection and love that has been shared for years.

Our life circumstances are in a state of constant change and reformation; sometimes they are subtle and slow – and other times they are dramatic and all consuming. Such movements can and will affect the matrix of our relationships, in many ways. It is so difficult to acknowledge this to ourselves, or to speak about it honestly with our friends and families. The first reactive wave is usually one of confusion or misunderstanding, followed by myriad manifestations of fear and even judgement. The fear of loosing an established source of happiness can be too much to contemplate, and the idea that something even better might arise from this seems inconceivable.

In order to mitigate the fear and open the potential that is calling, the group expectations need to dissolve, and make way for a much more life supporting opportunity to simply BE with each other, and open the moment with as much love and consciousness that is possible. Only then can love be free to penetrate the lives of all, transforming and elevating everyone into an entirely new level of being in the world, together, and free.

Nice concept, poetic words; but how can we move towards this possibility, practically? The first step on this journey of repletion involves the development of our innate ability to feel comfortable with and within ourselves; to be internally sourced and ’independently’ active. This has nothing to do with aloneness, in the normal meaning of the word. Rather it is about taking responsibility for yourself, and the form and flow of your inner world, as it seeks expression in the outer. Such a state, or even movement towards such a state, may attract or invite another person into your life, who resonates with this desire to BE and share that BEING with another. If that happens, and is welcomed and opened to with all of your power, then the effects are truly transformative. Being with another person in this way can greatly enhance our capacity to be fully with ourselves, and it is only from this inner state of calm comfort that we can be fully present with others, especially those with whom we have shared so much already. This is a divine gift worth receiving and giving, and is open and available to all of us. Enjoy.